At times like this a lot of me questions the wisdom of deciding to write a daily diary. I’m just back from drinks with my ex colleagues at the company I’m temping at for this month. I don’t drink much nowadays (in my old age, ha!) and even though I only drank less than two glasses of wine over the night, I feel slower, and moodier than usual. Everything seems to have a little dark edge that comes out as soon as my thoughts dwell on anything I find difficult. I’m fully aware that it’s just something my brain is doing at the moment that is colouring the way I see things, yet it’s difficult to step out of.
The morning started with a 45 minute yoga session all about practising patience. My neck clicked free several times during the practice and thankfully the neck ache I had at the beginning of the week is all but gone. At 9 I met an artist / curator to talk about projects, collaborations and how our two proposed projects (both in conjunction with the same organisation) can work together. She was positive and open and also suggested I get in touch with a third person who is a common friend who would be a great asset on the project. I promptly did and set up a mini brainstorming session on Tuesday morning prior to my meeting about the project on Friday. I’m really noticing how situations seem to support particular projects and not others at particular times and find that it is crucial to be sensitive to this. As much as I might want to create certain projects, there seem to be times when they just will not take off at all. I’m learning to keep them ticking slowly but not force things; eventually an opportunity will come along or they might transform entirely.
Back home I worked for a good few hours catching up with correspondence, acting as a go-between for a client and a programmer I’m collaborating with on a job and finally some Biennale work to get files ready to be uploaded. I also managed to do one massive load of laundry that I have been postponing for about a week. The prospect of sharing a towel was a bit much. At 4:45pm I left home and walked to Floriana to do an hour of urgent work at the office. We left a little after 6pm for company farewell drinks for the colleague I am temporarily standing in for. Drinks were yet another immersion into my past that feels same same but different. I said many hellos, had countless conversations and generally felt a little detached (who knows why). People’s perceptions when I answer the obligatory ‘what are you doing’ question with “I’m a freelancer” followed by a list of things I generally do, are varied. Some envy the freedom, some clearly do not understand why anyone would leave a corporate job for the uncertainties of freelancing, some lose interest after “freelancer”, wordlessly encouraging me to be as concise as possible with my job description as their attention is clearly elsewhere.
I’m not sure why but I noticed many more women looking exhausted than men. What is it that creates this intense pressure to perform at all costs? Why does it seem to affect women harder? Is this only so in large corporations? Have any companies found ways of balancing work with having an actual quality of life?
Drinks ended with some good heart to hearts in our old marketing trio. The very one that is very temporarily re-united to be disbanded again very soon. There was a lot of love, mutual admiration, some but not too much diplomacy and many stories worthy of a good campfire night which are not mine to tell. It’s good to see us all evolving.