Experiments with enough – Day 100

It looks like I’ve made it to day 100.  Surely there’s something appropriately special in store for this last day. Is there?

My brain has been thinking about a post listing the things I’ve learnt from my 100-day diary but right now it’s trying to wriggle out of it. “It’s too late for coherent thoughts now”, “This should be done properly tomorrow”, “What you write now will be rubbish”.

Which I guess brings me to the first thing I’ve learnt:

What I do is better than what I don’t do.

In the sense that it’s all well and good to have high standards for yourself. To expect great things. Yet if this expectation stops you from actually doing anything then it’s just getting in the way. I’ve had good posts, bad posts, decent posts. Most importantly I’ve had the experience of writing and sharing a diary for 100 days. If I only posted the great entries I would have missed the whole thing.

I find it harder than I imagined to be frank about some things.

I’m a very open person (much to my mother’s dismay) and usually have absolutely no problem talking about my most personal, difficult days. I find the practice interesting and it always reveals something new to myself. Yet being frank with my thoughts about things I’m doing when that involves other people I’m working with I find more challenging. I often erred to the side of caution when I felt that things would create issues related to others. Finding the balance there as been difficult.

I’m realising I have this freelancing thing more sorted than I thought.

There are a million writings out there about how unglamorous freelancing is, how difficult it is to earn a living, how no one ever pays decently, how it’s actually all about working your ass off for nothing. And don’t get me wrong, it is all that sometimes. Yet there are also many days in which it works beautifully. Freelancing lets me explore things on my own terms and tweak processes as I go along. I’m embracing the fact that I’m a generalist and that having the flexibility to change tack at will is priceless. I’m completely open to other models of working that also include this flexibility but I don’t think that I am really be happy and fulfilled without it.

I actually love writing every day.

Despite the fact that some days I’ve been epically busy, other days I just did not feel like lifting a finger, writing daily has been a helpful and enjoyable practice. Some days I felt like I was only capable of writing rubbish but I wrote anyway and the practice of writing helped develop things in my head. Words help me make sense of things and writing them down feels both slow and deliverate, giving each one more attention, creating a space for observation.

On this note I’m winding down this 100th day of my freelancing diary and bringing the series to a close. I would like to sincerely thank all of you who have been keeping me company by reading occasionally or everyday. Your attention, comments, encouragement have spurred me on in moment where I felt this was a silly idea. I am very, very grateful.

My mind is already thinking about what’s next and it will come soon. In the meantime, thank you. I hope that you have also enjoyed the ride and found it somehow meaningful.