Experiments with enough – Day 18

splash - Azure window. Diary of a freelancer

This is not a post about the Azure Window. Or not entirely at least. The whole disappearance of the Azure Window episode did make me think about the impermanence of things though. If a massive structure that has been there for thousands of years can disappear in an instant, leaving no trace, how much more impermanent are we as humans? We take everything very seriously and make a million plans when everything could very easily just suddenly disappear. I wonder how many changes, how many types of people, how many ages that rock has seen over the years.

My day today was filled to the brim. I practiced yoga in the morning even though I was fully panicking about deadlines and my ever-expanding to-do list. Yoga helped calm me down, deepen my breath and navigate the day with presence and patience. It was so worth the time I gave to it. The rest of the day was an intense rush from one thing to another. Work from home, Biennale work from Floriana, Marketing work also in Floriana, back home to finish some artwork and send some important emails and finally a little visit to Mdina, mostly for a much needed change of scenery.

For the first time since I have started freelancing, this month I have had to refuse work and I’m really in two minds about it. One side of me is happy that there seems to be an abundance of work floating around at the moment. Another side always gets the FOMO and just wants to be part of every interesting project on the island. Which is of course impossible.

I feel extremely grateful that I get to do what I love every day and that I’m learning how to be more and more independent and self sufficient. I’m by no means saying it’s easy or like a walk in the park every day. There are many instances when I feel overwhelmed, out of my league and sometimes feel a real urge to run away until whatever is troubling me is finally solved. A friend told me this week that his acting teacher talked about keeping the tension. Being able to withstand the discomfort long enough for it to finally be resolved rather than cutting it short before it is. I can really see the value of enduring that.