Experiments with enough – Day 17

Sleepy selfie. Diary of a freelancer.

It’s one of those nights when I feel a little at a loss as to what to do. Which in itself is of course the biggest luxury. I did not quite feel like going out and find myself wondering whether to read, watch a film, make something, or a combination of some / all of those.

My morning today started with yesterday’s diary writing which I did as a kind of short Morning Pages (look it up if this is new to you, highly recommended) followed with yoga and a rushed shower, breakfast and power walk to the Arts Council for my pitch. I enjoyed the presentation, let’s hope the judges also did. Results are out on the 16th so you’ll hear more soon one way or another.

As I walked out of the Arts Council and into the warm sun, I was about to hurry home when I paused and let some very intense gratitude wash over me. Gratitude that I was able to put this together in time and give the pitch confidently in a way that makes me feel like I gave it my all. I stood in the middle of the road for a few seconds just enjoying the post-pitch bliss. It’s so easy to just move from one thing to the next without celebrating the achievements, the wins, the learnings.

At home I finally caught up with some client work and had a quick sandwich before heading to some Biennale work in Valletta. I go through phases with my eating. I’m sometimes really good at feeding myself great things, at other times I slack and eat things like bread that (as much as I love it) just don’t make my digestive system very happy.

Work today was blissfully random. I watched as the curators planned the use of space, created models of the set-up, drew versions of the objects, talked about lighting sources and moved things round, a lot. I got a real sense of the complexity of the project and really enjoyed seeing the interactions between the architects and the curators as they came up with creative solutions together. I feel really lucky to not only be an observant fly on the wall but also able to participate.

Tonight, even though it’s barely 22:00, I feel very sleepy. I took myself out for a walk around Valletta earlier. It was nothing short of wonderful to stand next to the sea and watch the waves crash close by. I could really feel the need for being outdoors, for having some nature time, some real silence to let the feelings brewing inside me surface. I’m finding it challenging to keep up with my work yet at the same time leave space for myself, for being, for doing absolutely nothing, spaces I can fully inhabit rather than rush through while on the way to somewhere else. I definitely know I crave them.