Feeling like there is thinking space in my life again, with the insecurities and hesitancy that that brings with it. Today filled me with energy. I woke up towards 10am and made the mistake of reading my emails first thing (will I ever learn not to?). There was a work email full of shoulds and dos which also clearly pointed to an underlying frustration with how a campaign is going. I thought of at least 10 wise-ass, sarcastic replies to the email and thankfully decided to meditate and delay replying to Monday morning when I could be more compassionate and helpful. It took some time to clear it out of my headspace but it finally lifted.
As I get more time opening up (and as more people ask the inevitable ‘what’s next?’), I’m really meditating over what my optimum balance is. I have things in my head that feel important. Crucial even. Getting the Permaculture Foundation to a place where it can sustain a few people working and really benefit the wider community, learn more about efficient documentation processes and develop my own, find more intersections between business, environmental activism and art, Parking Space events, Curiosity Breadcrumbs. The question is how to build on all of this and still keep enough money coming in. Now more than ever, I need to be strategic over which work I accept, which work I take on, which work I chase. Things are either going to to take me closer to the things I want to explore or bring them further out of my reach by immersing me somewhere else. Not that I won’t be doing anything else, mind you, there is plenty at the edges of this list of things and I thoroughly enjoy that, however I really need to make sure that the things at the edges are supporting the core not replacing it. Otherwise the core will fall though and I will not be too pleased about that.
Tonight, unexpectedly and on a lightning speed decision, Peppi, Jo and I went surfing. I borrowed Jo’s board and Peppi’s shortie and went in, belly surfing two waves with enormous glee that has lasted the night. Paddling out, being washed by waves, feeling the power of moving water under me and flowing with it are things that are truly hard to better. I am immensely grateful.
