Experiments with enough – Day 27 (and a bit)

Mintoff monument in Valletta - Diary of a freelancer

Yesterday night I got to bed tired, relaxed and calm, and made a conscious decision to go to sleep rather than write before going to bed. So this morning I’m sitting in bed writing about yesterday as today starts to wake up for me.

The weight of things got to me a little bit yesterday. I woke up to an email (I never seem to learn there) about a job from the past that needs revisiting and as reasonable as the request was, I just did not have the time to fulfil it, starting my day with a feeling of frustration. Thankfully I partly turned it around with one of the lovely Adriene’s YouTube yoga sessions, a little mini 7 minute wake-up that really helped me come out of my head and into my body. I made a smoothie from stuff I had at home (apple, banana, ginger, hempseed, linseed) and headed out on a hurried march to Floriana.

Sometimes it feels like everything is descending at once. Old job that needs attention, new job that I just have not been dedicating enough time to, ongoing job that is taking so much longer than planned due to technical issues beyond anyone’s control. Then there’s the changed plans following the funding results announcement, the pressure around a new project that needs writing up and formalising before the end of the month, the last few days at my old job meaning it’s time to close things and handover and dealing with the fact that I’m the last one into the Biennale project at a time when the budget is beyond allocated. So some days it’s a bit of a tough cookie. Of course many others face much worse daily, but that’s hardly a line that will help to make things seem lighter.

What did make the day lighter though, was an email I sent communicating how I was feeling. I felt nervous sending it, mostly because I felt it would add to the receiver’s stress, the last thing I actually wanted. Yet I’ve lived with myself long enough to know that bottling things up makes me a grumpy, suspicious, unpleasant person to be around and in the long run it’s much better to just get it out there (in the gentlest and most responsible way I can manage) and be my usual self again. My email was met with sweetness, acknowledgement of my feelings and understanding, completely changing the dynamic of the day. The little things really are everything.

The evening brought some much needed down time (even though my head was insisting I work some more) – a quick amble around the city, an unexpected walk around Mosta where I actually noticed the details of the Mosta dome for the first time and admired it’s minimalistic shape offset against a black starry, starry night. Finally a group meditation that both rounded up the day beautifully as well as reminded me how out of practice I am with my meditation, a practice that really supports the rest of my life.